Upon making this announcement back in when was it…May? I was plunged into an existence of hurry up and wait and limbo. We have hustled like mad only to be faced with wait after uncertain wait. We have waited on contractors, we have waited on passports and visas and jobs…you name it, we’ve waited on it.
I am not what you might term a patient person. A flexible person. A go with the flow kinda person. I’m not what you might think of us someone who is comfortable with uncertainty who is cool with things up in the air.
But you know what? Life teaches us things. As my wise brother Seth told me a few months ago, life is exquisitely and sometimes chillingly, designed to identify our weaknesses and hit us right where they exist so that we can make them our strengths. In other words life is pretty much designed to suck really hard, so don’t be all upset and put out when it does. (Ok that crude summation is mine and I don’t really think life is designed to suck but I do think the hard parts aren’t a mistake for the most part).
Look, after the last few months is “enduring uncertainty with grace” now my defining characteristic? Um…NO. But I will say that my progress has been undeniable. Even if I am the only one who can see or feel it. I can say that as the months have gone on, I have found that I am becoming more patient, more accepting, dare I say a little more mature? A little less apt to throw a hissy fit over that which is is outside of my control? Just a bit I hasten to add! Whether or not gloating tempts fate to bring more to test me (and yes, yes it does), there will be more…oh so much more testing in this department. Of this I am certain. So let’s just say that where I was a total and utter failure I am now just a total failure.
Let’s just say that embarking on a life changing process, where not one single thing has been able to be checked off, I have had a ton of exposure therapy to my abject fear of not having things checked off, to my phobia of not being in control of things. Let’s just say that my tolerance for surrendering has improved. And you know what? It feels really good. Like the way running feels good when it’s over. It sucks when you are going through it but you like the results. It feels good to be healthier and stronger even if you know you have a long way yet to go.
But let’s talk about to today. Today I finally, finally got to do something concrete and that feels good too. Actually it feels pretty amazing. And amazingly terrifying.
We booked plane tickets.
(For half of the family.)
So hey…baby steps, right?
This is happening.
So here’s the thing. The December plan was actually a really solid, good and nice plan. And I do wish it was still The Plan.
But it’s not. Here’s a little back-story to why:
When I was a kid I went to a wonderful little school in our neighbourhood. I have the happiest memories from that school. In fact I still have literal dreams (happy ones) about that school. When I knew we were going back I didn’t dare even hope of getting the kids into that same school but we tried nonetheless. The thing is, that school is considered to be a very fine school indeed and lots of people want their kids in just that very same school which means there is a wait list a million miles long for it. Miraculously they were able to find a spot for Gracie but it was not looking at all hopeful for our dear little Finny. Not only was it not looking good for that school for Finny, nobody in the city had a spot for Finny! And then angels interceded and miracles happened and suddenly there was a spot for Finny but…major caveat.. only if we could get him there in mid-October.
School there is year around and if we don’t get him in before the end of this school year (mid December) then he would lose his spot and there is absolutely no chance of him (or Gracie for that matter) getting a spot in 2015.
All this meant that instead of leaving in three months according to the latest incarnation of the plan..we…at least me and the younger three kids had to leave in 3 weeks. So yeah..last few days have been somewhat stressful with that new revelation.
We put forth our case and pleaded with the school for more time and they (facing their own pressures) very kindly conceded to let us come as late as the first week of November which gives us a few more weeks to wrap things up here, finish out the soccer season and let the kids have their last Halloween with friends. (This was a big crisis when the mid-October plan was announced). Most importantly, this buys as a few extra weeks as a family. Benj and Gabe will remain here to finish the semester and to have some all boy bonding time with Aaron. And my stomach is already aching with missing them all. But I think it will be good for those guys to be able to have some one on one focused guy time.
As for the rest of us. We’re out. Day after Halloween. Did I mention terrified? And so excited? And so freaked out? And already tearing up about saying goodbye to people? And so ridiculously thrilled about meeting not one but two sweet nieces soon? And beside myself about seeing my nephews again and hanging with my parents and sibs…who will GET TO SEE MY KIDS GO TO SCHOOL FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER? And over the top delirious over the fact that my kids will be going to school in the very classrooms I went to school in? And in deep mourning not being here for Thanksgiving? And wondering how I will survive being away from my husband for that long? And contemplating the magic of a true family reunion with everyone…everyone in the family for the first time ever????????? All of us siblings, with all of our kids and all of our spouses for the first. time.ever?????? Since leaving home I have had one visit with all of my siblings present. And one visit with most of the siblings AND my kids and husband. But never with all the pieces in one place. And wow…that’s going to be amazing. And absolutely freaking out about getting everything ready to leave my poor big boys motherless for a month. (Dude they are so freaking excited, they can’t wait. I wish I was kidding but I’m not. No one to nag them over doing their chores and putting on their oils and washing their hands the second they get home? SWEET! They're gonna miss me when I'm gone...they will......pretty sure).
People. We have tickets. I can’t even believe it.
We leave November 1st. Every year when November 1st rolls around I say to Aaron , “hey guess what, it’s moving day, wanna move?” Because we have moved 3 times now on November 1st. It’s the day we move. Let’s do this thing.