Definition of culinary failure...

This morning my kids said, as we rushed out the door to get Benj his cello right on the stroke of the appointed hour, (did I mention I have juuuuuuuuust being on time down to an art form with everything except church on Sunday-but that's not MY fault).

Anyway so the kids said, "Wow mommy you get dressed quickly!" To which I modestly replied "I do everything quickly".

And because children are sent to humble us, they replied, "well you don't make pancakes quickly".

This my friends is sadly, a truism. This morning it took me quite some time to churn out half a dozen edible pancakes using a mix. I am choosing to believe that it is the fault of the Bisquick Heart Smart product. Or the fact that I don't have a griddle.

Ok fine, I admit it. It's me! All me! I am a total failure in the kitchen. First I had the pan heated too high so they instantly burned, then I turned it down too low so they wouldn't cook on the inside, then the mix got really thick (it is possible I did not put the required amount of milk in, because there was like..3 whole ingredients to negotiate people! Be reasonable!). I managed to get 2 good pancakes out of that batch. Three if you are stretching it. They could not have been too bad because the masses wanted more. By this point I was out of mix so I told them to wait.

After washing up all the lumpy utensils and starting over, I was suddenly making sublime pancakes. I had hit my stride man. However, I was on the phone at the time and did not register that people had ceased to consume the pancakes. So I was finally making perfect pancakes for my kids. Who did not want them.

THIS is the story of my kitchen life. I try to stay out of the kitchen as much as possible, for everyone's sake. But when I do gird up my loins and go in there, something like this always happens. Either I screw up horribly (generally the case) or nobody is interested.

On the best of days cooking seems like a very unsatisfying endeavour. Hours of prep, slaving over a hot stove and then the cleaning up. All in the name of 10 minutes of whining about how they don't want to eaaaaaat thiiiiiiiis, while my husband manfully chews with his front teeth and hisses at the children that it is delicious, eat mommy's delicious food already.

I seriously look forward to the day when a multi vitamin would fulfill everyone's nutritional and hunger needs and we can all turn our kitchens into..I don't know..rooms to put the unfolded laundry when people come over? (Also known as laundry rooms for people who have real houses as opposed to doll houses).

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nyn said...

ROFL!!! This is always my experience in the kitchen. Lets get together and invent those vitamins so we can have it sooner. You know they will actually come out when we aren't cooking for a hoard of people any longer.

Kallie said...

oh how i miss your posts. i've been without the internet for way too long -- it's daunting to me to think about going back and catching up on everyone's blogs. maybe someday -- but for now, i'm good to read todays. you make me laugh.

Kim said...

Awwww....I am also a failure at cooking in the morning! I just can't get myself together to do anything other than burn something and set off the smoke detector! LOL! I do believe you should get an "A" for effort though! Most of the time it's all I can do to get the kids and myself out the door on time!