Finny hours after he was born

And this morning

in all his bed-headed glory





What a gift he has been to me in my old age! This morning I was telling him and Gracie that really, in 4 years he had learned much more then one learns to get a degree. He had to learn how to breathe, to eat, to roll over, sit, stand, walk, run, play soccer, sleep(!), talk, listen, sit still when he needed to, the names of people around him...
and then he interjects, "I had to learn how to be kind to people!"

I think this came quite naturally to him actually. He has always been so soothing to my soul. I have a clear recollection of two of the darkest moments of my life, one was when he was a newborn, I had scarily bad post-partum depression and having him strapped to my chest in a baby carrier all day felt like my life-line. I would literally feel more peaceful and grounded just by having him close to my heart.

A couple of years ago I was completely distraught and was hiding in my bedroom so that I would not scare the kids with the ugly crying. He had left his Christmas presents to search me out and when he found me, he walked over to me, calmly hopped onto the bed, stroked my head as I continued to sob uncontrollably and said with such compassion and assurance, "you are going to be OK mommy, you are going to be just fine. I love you." Over and over . Until I believed it.
He did not seem at all alarmed or unduly concerned at the unnatural role reversal. He was completely comfortable and effective in his role of comforter. It was not a frantic, "please be my mommy again you scary freak-show" type of reassurance. It was just like that of the most calm and soothing adult you could ever know, it was one of the most truly Christ-like displays I have ever experienced.

At that moment I knew that he had an amazing gift to heal and comfort people's souls. Since then I have had some truly sacred and life changing moments as I have been given glimpses of the mission he has, and the gigantic, glorious spirit that he is. It is truly humbling to be his parent and the parent of his siblings.

From the moment of his arrival there was a quiet peace about him. He is so sweet and loving and charming and cool. Today when we walked out of the gym, it was a beautiful day and there was a warm breeze blowing and as he stood there in the doorway, he just tipped back his head, lifted his face towards the sun, let the wind blow his hair and closed his eyes and said, "AWESOME dude ".

My thoughts exactly.

If you enjoy reading birth stories, here is his.

It really was a special experience, totally fitting for who he is.

Happy birthday my sweet Finny. And to steal your line, "you are the best 4 year old (but not mommy) in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD. And I love you so so SOOOOO much"

I'm reading: FOUR!!!Tweet this!


Genevieve said...

Finny sounds awesome. I love the tributes you write about loved ones in your life. I'm amazed that a 4-y.o. can stop to appreciate good weather; I know 30 year olds that don't!

Samantha said...

I enjoyed reading your birthing story. I know essentially nothing about pregnancy and childbirth, but I did think giving birth was supposed to get easier (or the labor shorter, at least) the more kids you'd had. Maybe there's something I don't know about your previous labors!

I taught myself to type "properly" (home row keys, no hen pecking, etc.) by painstakingly typing out Desiderata. It took me a LONG time, but I've been typing properly ever since. I struggle (in my life) with the "if you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter" (I tend towards the bitter).

nyn said...

You have captured the wonderful essence of your amazing little man through this writing. I hope that someday I will have the opportunity to meet and know him. Thank you for sharing your tender thoughts and memories. I was crying while reading about the comfort he gave you in your most desperate sadness. Happy birthday Finny!!

Amz said...

Wow! Happy birthday Finny! I had forgotton too, that our two were only a day apart(and a few years of course). Sounds like he had a wonderful day!