Playing the Fool

Wow I had the most hits on my blog ever today. By a rather significant margin. We are a world full of avid pranksters apparently dahlings. Also, did you notice the ads on my sidebar? They picked up on the "Fooling around with my husband" title and there has been all manner of "how to know if your husband secretly hates you/has a secret life and family in a neighbouring state,....etc etc. Niiiiice. Sorry 'bout that.

Anyway, I had a rather successful day today.

I started the day by rather lamely (hey I had just woken up) asking Gracie why her hair was pink. She looked in the mirror and replied, "I don't know". Ooooookaaaay? I suppose she is blonde. Moving on......

I then rushed downstairs and frantically asked the boys why they were still home. They looked stunned. I shrieked that it was 9:30am! (It was 8:30am, which they told me).

"But the clock is broken, I told you last night!"

(Since I frequently tell them things which they later have no recollection of, this was plausible.)

They looked horrified. Then they sprang into action and started dashing around aimlessly uttering unintelligible and increasingly hysterical sounds. I caught Gabe's eye, he looked as though he was afraid for his life-sheer terror. I suddenly realized this was not a fun idea. I said quietly, ( and what I thought was soothingly)..."Hey....Gaaaabe...April Fool!"

He stopped for a moment, stared at me looking completely flummoxed, and then burst into tears. "Mommy, never do that again!" Yeah sorry Gabe, I won't. You don't mess with that kid and his punctuality phobia. That was mean.

Moving right along..

Kept Finny entertained with look there's a pink elephant, a giant spider etc etc. Innocuous fun..whatever.

Called Aaron.

He greeted me with, "Good morning and you won't get me with any April Fool's pranks".

I replied flatly, "I wish. It seems our children have a couple of extra days of Spring break".

"Why?" came the reply.

"Oh I found some fun friends in Gracie's hair this morning, and then some in Gabe's. I just kept the other two home because I haven't had time to check them yet. Awesome huh?"

"NO WAY!" came the distressed reply!" Where could they have gotten them?"

Me: "I don't know, kids get lice..it happens."

Him: "Well are you going to call Amy? The kids were playing together last night and she should know."

Me: "yeah I guess I could do that", I replied thoughtfully. "Then she could be an April Fool too."

Him: "You are TERRIBLE".

Me: Oh I know.

Him: "I can't believe I fell for that!"

Me: I can.

Ruthlessly moved onto next victim: friend Cindi. (Disclaimer: The problem with me is that I don't generally plan what I'm going to say, I just sort of lie by the seat of my pants..sometimes it turns out a bit..off)

(Cindi is my son's preschool teacher.)

Me: So hey, guess why Finny was so tired yesterday?

Cindi: Why? Is he sick?

Me: Yup. Scarlet Fever. (Scarlet Fever??!- I did a quick mental inventory of an illness that she was likely to know little about and get more freaked out over. Strep would not faze her. Trust me.)

Cindi: Oh my gosh that is serious isn't it?

Me: Yes. Very.

Cindi: It can affect the heart...

Me: (thinking how very tasteless this was) Umm..yeah.

Cindi: So did they do a blood test or what?

Me: Well I guess they would have, if he really was sick...April Fool?

Cindi: I hate you. And also it is quite unsettling at how well you lie.

Me: Yes, for me too.

She was a good sport about it (even though she'd had to excuse herself from the room she was in for fear she would cry). Sheesh, I suck. I know, I know, we do not joke about illness, only pestilence. It won't happen again.

Moving on to aforementioned Amy...

Me: Hey, so you may want to check between your kids' fingers and toes and crevices and such....

Her: Umm....why would that be?

Me: Because my kids have scabies and they were all playing together yesterday.

Her: Scabies?!!! Where would they get scabies??

Me: From my filthy house probably...

Her: Your house is not filthy

Me: That's what you think

Her: No seriously where would they have picked up scabies? Are they contagious?

Me: VERY!!

Her: Oh so probably from a child at school with a filthy house then...

I was a little deflated by the fact that Amy was so intrigued by the source of the scabies and less by the fact that her own precious children may have them..

Me: Yes, well anyway the whole thing is most unfortunate.

Her: Well yeah...

Me: It being the 1st of April and all

Her: You are so MEAN.

Me: Yes, I know.

My neighbour, Tiffany then called. We had some casual chit-chat...then (after ascertaining she was actually at home and not calling from the road..)

Me: So hey..what's wrong with your van??

Her: Nothing? What do you mean?

Me: Well...why are they towing it then?

Her: They're TOWING IT???

Me: Yup I'm standing in my backyard watching...wait you didn't know?

Her: They're ToWING IT??

Me: Do you want me to run and stop them??

Her:It's April 1st. I hate you.

Me: Ah yes, I get that a lot.

It's been a delightful day folks. Loved it.

I'm reading: Playing the FoolTweet this!

8 comments:

Kiy said...

I am *SO* glad you do not have my phone number. But I laughed and laughed. Does that make me as sick as you? :)

Cheers, hope you had fun!

Kiy

Stephanie said...

Kirsty, I just adore you. Can I please be just like you when I grow up?

Mrs. M said...

Wow, you're just cruel! Or an evil genius. I am so bad at lying I don't even think about pranking anyone-but I'm not very gullible so no one ever really pranks me.

It's funny to read about OTHER people doing it though. =)

Melody said...

Thanks for the laugh. I needed that. I love that you don't fight that inward compulsion you have to participate in April Fools pranks. I'm NOT a good liar, so i don't even try. It's a curse I tell you! Thanks again for the laugh!

Melissa said...

You are awesome!!!!

nyn said...

Holy Cow Kirsty!! You were on a roll. Way to go. The entire day slipped by without my even remembering.

ukyankoz said...

Wow, that is seriously impressive! I bow at the feet of your superior pranking - absolutely amazing!

And I'm never giving you my address or phone number. No offense.

Aunt LoLo said...

That is just WRONG.

The worst my parents ever did was stick waxed paper in my bologna sandwhich.

Did you know mayonaise will melt waxed paper?

Yeah...that was one prank that backfired. My little brother cried when he found out he'd eaten a sheet of paper for lunch. LOL