Just FYI when they say stomach shredder they are being literal....

Some friends of ours kindly loaned us their P90X DVD set recently. It's good stuff. Since I am training for a 1/2 marathon, I decided to leave the torture of my lower body at that and so far have only done some of the arm stuff a couple of times. Pleasantly sore and feeling toned after those. Just what one wants from an exercise video.

And then I decided to give the 'ole ab ripper a whirl. I wasn't afraid. I am pretty arrogant about my abs. It's not that their appearance is anything to write home about, but they are freakishly strong underneath it all despite the ravages of four kids (one who was bigger then I was when she was born has significantly added to the cosmetic damage).

And really, up until now, I came by my pride honestly. I can do seemingly endless crunches, sit-ups, and even those twisting things with a medicine ball on an incline board into perpetuity (or when I have to pick up my kids from the gym daycare-whichever comes first). So I freely admit to going into this with a slight to moderate measure of cockiness. And I was not disappointed. I kept up pretty well. I made my unimpressed children watch as I matched that insane man crunch for crunch, weird oblique move for weird oblique move. "Look kids! Hey kids-LOOK! HA! Check mommy out!" Sure I was sweating, there might have been some unattractive groaning, but this is what I do.

That was two days ago.Yesterday at about 3pm as we lounged by the pool I sneezed. This was followed by a badly stifled yelp of pain. My friend looked at me quizzically. "Oh..it's nothing" (I gingerly ran my hand over my lower abs to check for a hernia). Later that evening a friend made me laugh- forcing me to wrap my arms around my torso and emphatically instruct him to never do that again. I think it's safe to say that I was starting to "feel the burn" Last night I woke up in the middle of the night. I have never had a C-Section but I have heard that it is necessary to walk around after hunched over, with a pillow smashed against you stomach. I have never understood this until last night. As I tried to roll over and the searing pain tore through my body, I instinctively grabbed a pillow and wrapped myself around it like a baby monkey escaping a veld fire by way of her mother.

(I took this blurry picture in 2005. There was no veld fire. But the baby monkey looks sufficiently traumatized to illustrate my point)

I had been shredded. Or more accurately: ripped. (Savaged, pulverized, mangled.....)

*This was written a couple of days ago: Yesterday Benj and I gave it another shot. (Yes, I do understand that I am not smart.) Today I feel fine. If all goes according to past experience I will be weeping gently in sacrament meeting tomorrow morning. Hopefully none of the speakers are funny.

Benjamin and I are off on a seven mile run now. Neither of us is happy about it.

(Anticipating your suggestion, we won't be happy if we don't do it either. We are slaves to a program. It's a slippery slope, this exercise thing, a slippery slope my friends.)

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Megan Gery said...

your dedication is impressive... and it makes me feel a little fatter, to be perfectly honest. :)

Jen said...

You go girl! The first time is always the worst - I am impressed with your devotion to fitness :)

nyn said...

Yes a very slippery slope indeed. I am so impressed with your endurance. Once I am sore, i am always to scared to try it again. Way to go Girl!! Your abs rock, I mean you rock!

Anonymous said...

You are just SO funny! I celebrated the Public Holiday on Monday by going to the gym, and trading in my tatty "supposed to be laminated card but their machine was not working on the day of issue" plus R50 for a snazzy little key-ring thing with their logo on. Figured that having spent the money, I would be more likely to get back there often. We decided to do upper body with little weights and the plan that the gym instructor (who by now is no doubt a grandfather) gave me back in the day. Surprisingly stiff the next of next day - not been back since. Come on - R50 is not such a big deal! Marmie.