So I'm not....


All for the lack of this:

Which I think is:

Not for lack of trying..valiantly trying you understand. I sent the perfect application, with a super suck- upp-ish letter straight up BEGGING them to expedite it for me (as the nice person I spoke to at the Australian consulate on the first day suggested.) Said nice person had again assured me on the 3rd day of my twice daily calling, that when they see someone wants something expedited they "do everything humanly possible to make it so". Hence the glimmer of hope.

Be ye not so foolish! You must NEVER allow hope to enter the equation when it comes to bereaucracy. Bureaucracy is NEVER ON YOUR SIDE, people!

Each time I called, within the first 10 seconds of answering the phone and hearing me sweetly ask if they would mind checking my status, someone was hastily assuring me that "it takes 15 days. 15 BUSINESS days".

"Yes, yes I know, I know this is my problem, and not yours and that I am being highly unorthodox, and imposing horribly on you for being so bold as to ask you to send me an $80 stamp in my passport which you now hold hostage, via $30 worth of rush-postage in less then 15 business days, but I just thought...maybe...since the nice lady said that sometimes.."

By Monday..if I heard the phrase, "You must understand it takes FIFTEEN BUSINESS DAYS" one more time..... There's just no telling.

Ok so let's break this thing down and look at it for a moment. Here is what I know:

1.We live in a global economy. This means that people from different countries tend to do business with each other. Lots and lots of important business. Every single day.

2.Things in this day and age tend to require speed. We have email, and now! Even email on our cell-phones just so we don't have to wait the 10 minutes to get home from the grocery store to check our email. Because we're speedy like that these days. You know these days when it's the 21st century and stuff.

3. Visas take 15 FIFTEEN BUSINESS days to process (but usually longer, per the nice people answering the phone at the Australian embassy).

Hmmm. let's look at 1, 2 and 3 for a of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong..
(btw, I did not grow up with Sesame St. and I have never actually heard that song so apparently I am a pop-culture Idiot Savant because when I googled to check..I had all the lyrics right.)

How the HECK can it take 15 days to process a visa?! When people need to be places, and they don't always have more then 2 weeks notice from the time they decide to leave? It's one thing to have a valid passport. That is responsible and reasonable. But how do you get a valid visa for everywhere you might like to travel sometime? Just in case? And those things often expire in very short amounts of time. Strikes me as a tad ludicrous.

And really, WHY does it take 15 business days? Seriously? This is not hard. Check to see if I have a criminal record, check one or two other things, or four or five even. Go nuts with the checking... put a stamp in my passport and there ya go. I'm thinking it takes all of 15 minutes to do.

Finally WHY in the WORLD would a governmental agency NOT offer the option to expedite visas?? Think of all the extra fleecing opportunities!! What if I had to get over there for a funeral?! Would the body have to be kept on ice for 3 weeks while my visa application languished in a bin for 14 days only to be retrieved from said bin on the FIFTEENTH BUSINESS DAY?

See...I am picturing the set up over there. A few desks-complete with type writers and rotary phones. On a long table by the front door-14 industrial yellow plastic bins. Every morning a pimply teenager transfers all visas to the next consecutive bin. Bin number 15 is RED. Only the visas in this bin can be processed Even if there are days when bin number 15 or 14 or even bin number 13 are empty...the people just sit around listening to the phonograph, doing their nails, diligently waiting for the FIFTEENTH BUSINESS DAY whereupon they smile pleasantly, retrieve the dusty application from bin number 15. Type on their type writer.. for 45 seconds, stamp it...and send it in the postage paid self addressed envelope back to the woman in Ohio.

The woman whose irresponsible dreams of ditching her family to run a race on the beach and then hang out for the next week with her sister.. having too much fun, have long since been shattered.

But it is important that you understand that I am in no way bitter about this. Not. At. All.

Seriously though, there is always a silver lining. It's probably not the best time. Now I get to attend the 10 odd soccer games I would be missing. WOOT!

Perhaps we can try again when the weather here is making me mean(er). It does seem a bit of a shame to take a trip to Australia when it is beautiful Fall here......yeah......

I comfort myself with these things.....

Good luck Shona! I'm sure you will end up running better without all the laughing.....(sniff}

I'm reading: So I'm not....Tweet this!


Chief said...

I know exactly what you're saying. Can't they actually use technology to make the process faster. Didn't we put a man on the moon? Ridiculous!

Shannon said...

Just a quick word on the whole criminal check thing. When I enter my sons school, I need to insert my drivers license into a machine/computer thing and it instantly does a criminal check on me, takes my picture, and prints out a name tag with photo. All instantly. If there is a criminal issue, that is sent straight to the principal's cell phone.

Sounds like maybe the visa place needs one of those machines!

MrsM said...

I'm sorry you didn't get to go =( Still, it's good that you're looking at the bright side!

Next time you'll make it =)

nyn said...

I appreciate all of your well made points. Maybe you should send this blog to the Austraillian consulate. I mean it isn't like they can deny your stamp now,considering you didn't get it in time in the first place. Good job for trying. Love you.

Jen Lynn said...

Yes good thought. You want to go there in FEBRUARY when crappy Ohio winter sets in. Dream it now. Sitting on a beach in the summer of Australia wishing that one best bud of yours was sitting by you making uncomfortable giggles at all comments made between us...hmmm. Sounds good to me.

Ya ya, OK I'll go with.

Dahling said...

Should have known better considering our Canadian permanent resident visas took 2.5 years rather than the promised 12 months...VISA = Very Incredibly Slow Application process....

On the other hand when the Aussies wanted me here to slave in their salt mines my work visa was processed within days....I was like "Oh already - actually I am not ready to go yet."

I am ready to renounce my Australian passport in protest and have written a letter to KRudd telling him that even though I didn't vote for him the first time I will definitely not be voting for him this time. As for that devious,lying Marisol....I have requested deportation back to Honduras...

Tooj said...

I'm sorry that you aren't "there". :( I was hoping that you made it, that all went well with the govt STUFF. Enjoy the soccer games and whenever you feel like being mean this Fall, please stop by. I'm always very mean during the Fall and Winter.

Thalia said...

I am sorry you didn't get the visa in time. I am. But at the same time, I was thinking it would be a better idea for you to have a better planned trip over there. And also, time it for when I am over there. We can kick it 3-girls-together style. Yes? Yes.

Anonymous said...

What else can I say? You are SO, SO funny. Anyone who can raise a tired smile let alone a LOL when reading about a visa is FUNNY, FUNNY, FUNNY!! Thanks for making me laugh!