I will pray for you...

This morning I got up early and turned on the TV to check for delays. As I flipped channels I came upon that very earnest evangelical lecturer woman. She's the one who looks mildly enraged most of the time and gives you the impression that she takes no crap from no-one. She has a Southern accent. Wait..don't they all have Southern accents? Anyway, I like that lady and I enjoyed her no nonsense approach to telling me how I was messing up my life so I listened in for a while.

She declared that she was too old to waste time being angry with people (and implied that I was too.) It turns out that when someone wrongs her, by jove, she's gonna pray for them. She said it with such relish as if this was the best revenge one could ever have.

Which is it is you know. It's really the kindest thing you can do for yourself.

It's just that when you've got a good mad going on and then someone righteously tells you that you have let go of the anger and pray for them that despitefully use you... it generally gives you the impression that you have to be all good and sweet and un-angry about it right now. And nobody wants to do that.

But she gave me the impression that she was going to pour all her righteous rage into those prayers, leading me to wonder briefly if she was planning to pray a plague down upon them who had wronged her. (Which I know was not her intention) but her indignant approach to it all was quite refreshing and so I thought. Well hell lady, I can get on board with THAT. So without further ado, here. we. go..

  • Ebay person who sent my daughter's overpriced (especially for the shipping)Halloween costume much too late and then sent a hostile and defensive and very dishonest response to my 3rd very polite inquiry (she had ignored the first 2) and tried to blame me for her slackerly-ness. and force my daugther to go to Trunk or Treat in a bunny costume which looked like a dog....er...I will pray for you.
  • Person who made me miss my "gap" in rush-hour traffic by walking against a red light..I will pray for you.
  • Person who UNFOLLOWED my blog today (gasp!Wha???!!)...I will pray for you..sniff
  • Child who left their bed unmade which was the ONLY thing to do after I spent half the day cleaning their bedroom to perfection...I will really pray for you
  • Stranger lady who lectured my husband on his parenting (which is incidentally, quite superior)...I will pray for you
  • The parrot next door who kept me awake until midnight..I will pray for you
  • Neighbour who let the parrot next door keep me awake until midnight..praying for ya..seriously
  • Unethical credit card companies...you have my prayers
  • Fox "News"..yeah you too
  • Parents who send their kids with raging swine flu to school...on my (prayer) list
  • People who put policies before people-particularly when the people are kids...praying hard for you.
  • People who talk/text in places where they shouldn't be talking or texting..sending one up for ya.
  • Kids who stuff dirty clothes back into closets and drawers for me to discover once I am basking in the blissfully ignorant state of thinking my laundry is all done..you're all covered.
  • People who drive too slowly...praying
  • People who drive too fast....you too
And anyone who is so revoltingly selfish and stupid as to drive drunk or wrecklessly. You SO have my prayers. Because should you ever injure or maim someone I love you are oh so badly going to need them.

That is all.

I'm reading: I will pray for you...Tweet this!


Aunt LoLo said...

I. Love. This. List.

Do you read Nie Nie Dialogues? She had a similar list this past day or two. Only, it was all her kids. Heh.

Jill said...

•People who put policies before people-particularly when the people are kids...praying hard for you.....
This is why you are a better person than me...you made me cry again! Love you pinky pie! By all rights you would think i would be praying non-stop lately...

Chief said...

I may steal this idea. I need to pray for so many dumbasses, it could be an epic post.

I didn't unfollow BTW

Anjana said...

This was simply fabulous!

Camille and Luke said...

Thank you, I needed that. We're heading into the holiday season.... let's just say I needed that. ;)

Thank you once again!

Tooj said...

I was just going along, reading, LOVING this list...and then I crunched into something in the salsa that just set my MOUTH on fire. HOLY MOLASSES. FIRE. FIRE. FIRE.

Nose and eyes are sweating.

I might need your prayers too.

(Why do strangers feel the need to lecture anyone on their parenting skills?)

ANewKindOfPerfect said...

Kirsty I am cracking up here reading "They are on my (prayer) list" Bahahahaha!!!

jamesnemily9796 said...

Are you a FOX News Hater?

MrsM said...

Southern evangelists can be hilarious. Did she have pink hair and a tiny dog? If so, it was Rexella. Let's just say that I used to hang out with some members of an art collective ironically named for this crazy ding bat, and I got to see some of her prime stuff. Classic.

Unfollowers are the worst! Oh well, it's their loss right? =)

My dad used to say "I pray for people who wrong me-I pray that when I kick their butt they learn their lesson...that way I don't have to do it again" LOL!

Jen Lynn said...

Toledo Fox news is the best!! They'd always provide me with a nice night of laughter. I specifically remember one segment when they said, "And then this fat guy walked into the store..." as the camera zeroed in on a fat guy. FAT GUY? Oh my... I think I heard the words "gay guy" on that station too.

What's the story with Aaron being corrected on his parenting foibles?

Laura said...

I love this, you are way too funny. You have made my day.