The Man Rules

Have you heard?
{Apparently Men now have "rules". How cute of them.} My mom sent me this and said she could hear my brother's voice. I could too, maybe that's why I found it so funny. Here we go.

We always hear
"the rules"
From the female side....

Now here are the rules from the male side.


These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
(
FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1.. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem
only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the
other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did
NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not
A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1.
If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle..

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...
Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football
or Hockey.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.
Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

I'm reading: The Man RulesTweet this!

11 comments:

Chief said...

Ah yes, I got this in my email and got a great laugh out of it

Simoney said...

This is funny! Thanks for making me smile Kirsty! xx

nyn said...

ROFL!! I loved this, and it is so true. Thanks for a smile today. Things have been crazy lately, so it is nice to have a little endorphin rush.
Love ya

Tooj said...

I've read this so often, and every time....it makes me laugh. But not because I think of men when I read it. I think of myself. Oops. What's that saying, huh?

The girl with the flour in her hair said...

Number 1 is soo true! ;)

Sara A Broers said...

Great post! You ABSOLUTELY made this Mom's Day!

Widge said...

Ha! brilliant. So funny I want to show my husband but I'd probably be shooting myself in the foot by doing so..hmmmmmm

MrsM said...

Camping..LOL! I usually don't let Hubby sleep on the couch though-I go myself, and just let him burn with guilt 'cause I'm nice like that.

Still I will say one thing-after reading this list it only makes me MORE grateful that Hubby has not one single lingering interest in sports-that knocks out like 3 rules right there! =)

Aunt LoLo said...

Bwahahahahaha.

Nice. ;-)

Jessica said...

Dying laughing...so many are soooo true!

Jessica :)

Gail said...

Haha. what a crack up!