I was caroled into December

by the strains of Joy to the World.

Unfortunately the strains did not emanate from cherubic, rosy cheeked carolers but rather from my doorbell. I was awoken from a dead sleep to my doorbell (Joy to the World may be forever ruined for me), I peeked out the window and saw a police-car. My heart stopped. WHAT HAS HAPPENED? I ran downstairs (an incredible feat considering the stopped heart). Just as the doorbell was going through it's second chorus of Joy to the World. (This cop was not the patient type). Rip open the door, treating him to my wild hair, wild eyes, creased face. He smiles. "Please move your car, it's trash day".

Whew. Nobody died.

And yet...not awesome to be awoken this way.

After centuries (or at least one and a half) of coping with cars on the street on trash day, our city has suddenly decided ThisWillNoLongerDo. Because the charms of living in a small Victoria-era home does not in our case include an attached garage (but rather one separated by the long freezing yard) we generally park on the street. Every Monday night, Aaron takes out the trash, and moves the car to the garage. Last night, Aaron took out the trash. But for some inexplicable reason, left the car.

I grab my slippers and dash out to the car, wailing children (who have also been awoken) in my wake... to find that there is a lovely yellow ticket in the window. How is this fair? You don't get to wake people up and give them a ticket. One or the other people. You can't have your cake and eat it too. I jump into the car and start the ignition. And then I notice that I can't see. The windshield is frosted over. Super. Since this is the first time I have dealt with this, this season, I am unprepared. Jump out, open the back-door in search of a scraper. Apparently in my over-zealous cleaning, I have removed the scraper. Oh.

Jump back in the car in my just-awoken confusion I start to try to drive anyway. I can see out my window, so good enough...?" Umm hang on", the cognitive part of my brain remarks, "looking out the side is not the same as looking out the front", the forge-ahead-regardless part of my brain reluctantly concedes. "Also, you left the back door of the van open you ninny". Jump out, close door. Jump back in. Windshield still opaque. Oh...right. Ok um..

Get out, use finger nail to scrap 2x2 inch patch in the general vicinity of my eye. Good enough for around the block. Oops I don't have my contacts in. That would explain the fog. Huh.
And. off. we. go.

Happily I was able to navigate my way around the block without incident (it consists of a series of mostly deserted alleys so only the squirrels were in any real danger, don't call the cops).

I stumble inside and immediately try to locate the phone. I must know Aaron's rationale for this. Apparently he forgot. When I pointed out that he remembered to take the trash out and may have noticed that the rest of the street was empty of cars, he said that it had just not even occurred to him. After months and months of moving the car every week. Isn't that awesome? He feels plenty bad about it, poor guy. "At least you don't have to be grateful about it, " he pointed out hopefully. Indeed.

I guess December just felt the need for a dramatic heralding. Hopefully the start was not a sign of things to come.

Happy December.

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5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey, the man takes out the trash! I am trying to instil the idea in the hearts of our men that it is far better to take it out the night before rather than being awakened by my hysterical voice screeching (generally from the bath) QUICK!!!! QUICK!!!!!! QUICK!! PIKIT UP ARE HERE!!!!! Seriously though, we have two bins and a whole complex's rubbish. Also, try wheeling the wheelie bin loaded down with a week of garbage through the gravel while imploring the PIKIT UP guys to PLEASE wait while you try and get this feat right, either in heels because you were on your way to work, or wild eyed and wild thin-haired because you weren't. They click disapprovingly, but give you a hand anyway, but ONE of these days we will be buried in garbage! They arrive at random times, so Thursday night continues to look good to me. But a ticket??? That is harsh!
Marmie

julia said...

What an experience! Thank goodness there wasn't an accident, etc... for the policman to be reporting to you. How frustrating, though, to have to move your car under those circumstances AND to get a ticket! I bet your husband never forgets again. I left the light on inside my car yesterday, and , yep, it killed my battery, or at least did damage. My husband fortunately has a charger that he hooked up and by morning my car cranked.

Kallie said...

LOL -- how do you make your whines and moans so dang funny!?

Dahling said...

Hilarious Sweaty and you too Marmie! I agree no fair on the ticket. If the cop is warning you to move the car he should not also be giving you a ticket - that's the point of a WARNING!! As for driving without contacts - I was wearing my glasses the other day and took them off at the traffic light to apply mascara and forgot to put them back on as I drove off - it's a miracle that I got to the next light in one piece - after all I am "legally blind" without them ; )

LOL re. calling Aaron to demand his rationale - that is EXACTLY what I would have done with Marc - enquiring minds just HAVE to know what the *hail* they were thinking ! Why Aaron why ???

Tooj said...

Cops. Can't say they're my favorite people.