Last night: From the Sublime to the Ridiculous.

The Sublime:

Last night I felt my baby move (I've suspected it before but this time I knew for sure). I was sitting on the deck on the swing chatting to Aaron when I felt some insistent knocking on the low right side (just where the Dr. heard the heartbeat last time). I ignored it for a few seconds but it got harder and more insistent and I realized that this was definitely not stomach rumblings or any other gastrointestinal functioning, it was some little body making their presence known. I had Aaron come and put his hand on my stomach and he felt something unmistakable too. A tap, tap tap. It came fast and furiously reminding me of someone knocking on the locked front door when they really need to use the loo. Quite funny and entirely mesmerizing. As luck with have it Gabe joined us at that moment and felt a couple of little taps too.

I don't remember feeling such distinct movement at this point (16th week) before, and certainly not being able to share it with people "on the outside". It was so much fun. I can't wait for that to become a regular occurrence. I am one of those obnoxious pregnant women who has their hand on their stomach all the time waiting for the next kick. I absolutely love that sensation and for me it makes the baby so much more real.

The Ridiculous

Last night I dreamed about Christmas in great detail. My family were visiting from South Africa. For our family Christmas Eve has always been a huge deal. More so then Christmas day even. It is reserved just for immediate family, very warm and intimate.
My mom, dad and siblings were all visiting but insisted that they celebrate in a house across town without us because we had our own children and thus they were not our "immediate family". This made me sad but I reluctantly saw their point.

(This is my family at the last Christmas I spent with them)

Wait, it gets weirder.

I realized at 5am on Christmas morning (for some reason Aaron and I had been up all night) that we had NO stocking stuffers for the stockings. I was devastated. I rushed to Rite Aid which was miraculously open. It was only open for 1/2 an hour though and was being run by a really strange man who disapproved of us running around on Christmas morning (I don't blame him really). I set about trying to find stocking stuffers for 6 people from a very odd picked over, overpriced selection of goods.

My most distinct memory is that of trying to get a pair of socks for Aaron off a rack but they got snagged and were unraveling. It was frustrating. I managed to scrabble together a selection of very strange items (I had decided earlier that I would just dig around in my jewelry and make up drawers for stuff for Gracie and of course there was plenty of stuff for Gracie at the store-just none for the boys-that part was really realistic). All the while I was trying to make polite conversation with the crazy shop-keeper. Another distinct memory was trying to find some candy for the stockings. There was nothing. Finally I found some strange assortment of very expensive imported chocolate. I had no idea how I was going to get them in the stockings without them melting but I was desperate. At the check out I came upon a friend from church doing some casual shopping with her daughters. She was buying an electric keyboard. It sounded very tinny. The shopkeeper insisted that there were "mice inside it" and they had eaten all the strings. She seemed to want the keyboard anyway.

When I got home I saw Gracie sitting forlornly by the tree. It wasn't really a tree though. It was one of those tragic fiber optic things the size of a potted plant. It was bad. I was so sad. So was she. She pointed out that we had not decorated our tree. I could not believe it. The one thing we had done was buy and wrap gifts ahead of time but it had been so long since that had been done that I was not sure if I had bought enough looked pretty meagre. The other thing I noticed was that we were in a huge house. It was gigantic but it lacked in spirit. (A comfort to me in my tiny yet cozy shoebox house).

Aaron and I valiantly tried to make the best of things. We told the kids we would decorate the house and the tree now and just enjoy it for longer. But I felt like a total failure. When I woke up I had an overwhelming desire to dash to Biglots (reasonably priced mecca of semi-junk) and start squirreling away stocking stuffers. I am still not over it. (All the while my visiting family celebrated with plenty of food and stocking stuffers across town...)

I think my feelings of inadequacy as a mother/home-maker/tradition enforcer due to the pukiness lately has caught up to me... which manifested in this highly traumatic (yet in retrospect somewhat hilarious dream). Perhaps it is a sign that I am heading towards becoming fully functioning again. I certainly hope so.

I'm reading: Last night: From the Sublime to the Ridiculous.Tweet this!


Tooje said...

The fact that you believe the overwhelmingness of being mother/home-maker/tradition enforcer can "come back" and feel normal is an encouragement to me. I'm still trying to figure out how to be all those things and my oldest is already six. :( Will I ever get to be that person, as good as that, as good as you? I can barely make dinner AND clean the dishes. The bathtub doesn't get scrubbed nearly as often as it should, and I'm fairly certain Fred Flintstone slept on TO's sheets since I washed them last.

You are superwoman, and you amaze me. Two thumbs up for feeling baby kicks. Love it to no, no, no end.

Aunt LoLo said...

Oh. My. Goodness.

Woman, we nest alike!

When I was pregnant with Siu Jeun, I was DESPERATE to decorate the house. For every! single! holiday! Even ones we didn't celebrate (first day of school, anyone? For a two year old?) It was SO important to me that every holiday be decorated and accounted for....somehow that would make up for the fact that I was about to take away Ming Wai's Only-Child status. Not sure....

Anyhow, I haven't decorated for a single holiday since. ;-)

And hooray for baby kicks!

MrsM said...

Awww, little baby kickings! I do miss those first little flutters (though not the more vicious jabs in the 3rd trimester). I wouldn't worry about your dream being anything more than super vivid pregnancy hormones-by all indications you are the very best mother/home maker/tradition enforcer you can be on every occasion : )