On my mind today: a pep talk for myself

Life is short and unpredictable. Don’t procrastinate happiness. 
As you know, I struggle with depression. Lately, it has been creeping up to uncomfortable levels. I am taking a low dose of anti-depressants since I am nursing, and it is possible that it needs to be bumped up slightly but more probable that I just need to be more active. The problem is that the antidepressants tend to make me physically unmotivated, so it’s a bit of a vicious cycle.
The brilliantly sunny days yesterday and today have served as a reprieve though, and have given me just enough get up and go to…well….get up and go.  It has been wonderful to get out in the fresh air and get the blood pumping again. It gets me thinking deep thoughts.
If had to distill them into one thought it is this:
cardigan empire
I have not been nice to myself lately. I have deprived myself of exercise, I have eaten junk when I was not even hungry (my friend refers to this as food-cutting because I do it when I feel self-destructive), I have neglected my spirituality, I have compared myself to others, I have been filled with self-loathing because I have not lost my baby weight (even though I know this is nigh unto impossible while I am nursing and on the meds I am on) which leads to further food-cutting and further self-loathing.   I have isolated myself.  I have spent far too many daylight hours dressed in PJs or similarly schlumpy attire.  I have indulged in self-pity. 
But life is too short, it is far too short.
As I have jogged the last couple of days I have compiled a list of 10 things I need to do on a daily basis (or at least very regularly) to be happy. I cannot waste any more time not being happy when I have everything I need to be  (and so much more!).  Here’s my list of non-negotiables:
1. Daily communication with God through scripture study and prayer (personally and with my family)
2. Daily exercise (preferably outside)
3.Random acts of service/kindness
4. Meaningful conversation and displays of affection with my family members
5.Time sans-kids with my husband
6. Good grooming
7. Social interaction (preferably in real life)
8. Time spent working on creating a sense of order in my home. (Hard work + well managed expectations is very therapeutic. )
9. Time spent being creative
10. Drinking enough water and eating enough nourishing food.
What is on your list?

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leah said...

Well, did you know that I think you're supermom? Not only that - I think you're beautiful, smart, witty, and so very good at being you. Do me (and all others who call you friend) a favor - and don't be too hard on yourself! ;) That makes the rest of us pokeys look bad! And one more thing - May I suggest that your list of ten things have this *. Here it is - If you do more than 1, you're doing VERY, VERY good. :) Love you darlin. Oh, one last thing - I have programmed my new computer to talk to me every 1/2 hour, telling me what time it is. It's pretty awesome. This is where this information gets good - THE VOICE I CHOSE IS SOUTH AFRICAN!!!! She makes me think of you each and every time. Puffy. Heart. Yo.

Brittany said...

If you want to drop your kids here for a while I will gladly take them. I adore them all! Or if you want social interraction with a crochety preggo woman I can totally be of service. Haha

DianeSS said...

That's an impressive list of goals but I think you should realize that accomplishing even just a few of them every day deserves praise!

My personal daily goals are:
1) Run
2) Get the next day's seminary lesson prepared
3)Clean a little, tidy a little
4)Do something nice for myself and for someone else

2busy said...

It is hard being the mommy of a young baby to get that time for yourself that you desperately need. Enlist your older kids and husband for help.

I don't know you very well, but it seems like you have a lot going for you. You are lovely, have a great personality as expressed through this blog. You have a beautiful family. Focus on those positive things. Hang in there...

Tooje said...

I agree with Leah. Whenever I think about how cruddy of a mom or wife I've been, I think of you and your blog. Seriously. Not my "real time" friends but you. The love you feel for hubby and kids and your spiritual comfort levels make me want all that. I want to be better to my husband even when he makes me mad, I want to be sure and love on my kids and make them love on each other like yours do. You are an inspiration. Close your eyes and breathe, and as they open make everything more simplistic. Because it is....just keep being you!!

Anonymous said...

A good friend of mine passed your blog on to me today, and I greatly appreciate it. I am a wife and mother who struggles with depression, so I know how difficult it can be to get motivated. It sounds like you've built up a little momentum and are doing well right now, so good for you and hope you keep it up!
I am printing off your list and taping it on my mirror. Everything on there would be helpful for me to aim for each day. I won't beat myself up if I don't achieve them all, but a very good list to strive for. Thanks!

The Sayer Family said...

Thanks for this list. This winter is the first time that I have been hit with depression (probably SAD) and some days are so hard. Sis Beck did a fireside recently in our area and said that every morning we need to pray, read our scriptures, make our bed and get dressed. It's amazing that you can tell what kind of day I'm having by if my bed is made or not. {HUGS}