Not going down without a fight…

So this week started off well but ended rough.  The depression-coaster is quite a ride m’peeps.  I am sticking to my list though. I have exercised 6 days this week. Including today. A run with the dog. In the gale force wind, and driving snow (as in little icy pellets driving straight into my face-bracing).
Sometimes when I’m feeling like this,  it actually helps to do my workout in punishing conditions. May seem masochistic, but it sort of wakes up the “fight” in me.  The grim, teeth gritting, “I will beat this”, determination.
Yesterday was rough. Last night I felt as if there was an elephant sitting on my chest.  While I was running today, I realized that this is where the phrase “ a heavy heart” must come from. My heart literally felt heavy. 
But today I feel somewhat lighter. Much lighter actually.  Perhaps the worst part of dealing with depression is the see-saw aspect. I am never quite sure how I will be feeling when.  And why. From moment to moment. The inconsistency is a killer.
But even in the darkest moments, there are reasons to smile because brain chemicals aside, life is good. It is filled with things like:
Beautiful cups of rooibos tea
Cuddly warm, sweet-smelling, gently snoring babies who take naps on your lap.
The most incredible dark hot chocolate and a sweet husband who doesn’t mind letting you take a sip (or 10)
Beautiful blue eyes, with one brown speckle
Gracious old trees on windy sledding hills
The post windy-run glow…warm on the inside, cold on the outside and the feeling that you have won at least one battle today.
Thank you for rooting for me in this fight. It means more to me than you know. xo

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Big Ugly Man Doll said...

We're ALL with you, hon! From the beautiful pictures to the mountains to the prairies - you go, girl!

Leila said...

Living with depression through my mom, made me adamant not to be a victim... I feel for you. Keep fighting. I firmly believe it can be controlled with a strong will xxx

DianeSS said...

I have only experienced little bouts of "feeling depressed". I can't imagine what it would be like to face that on a regular basis. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings - when we have that window into another person's soul it helps us develop compassion and empathy for others. Keep fighting! You can win the battle!