When my kids are at school, I have questions for them. Questions which burn deep within my soul. Questions which daily present me with an inner struggle over whether or not I should show up at the school to ask of them myself. So far I have refrained, with the hope that one day I will remember to ask my kids these questions when they return home at the end of the day. I never do, however. They fly straight out of my mind until the next morning, as I am going about my household duties, and once more am reminded of them. So that is why I am going to compile a list here. So that they can be answered once and for all.
1.) Kids, please tell me why you return empty boxes and cartons of food to the pantry and the fridge? You seem fully willing and able to leave full cartons and boxes on the countertops and tables but you are pretty diligent about returning the empty ones to their homes, which of course leads me to believe that we are in a good shape and that I have no need to buy more granola bars/cereal/ milk /juice at this time. My guess is that you, like me, feel that it’s good fun to have no idea whether or not we have food when merely glancing into the pantry (and a great lesson in not judging things by appearances?) Can you confirm my theory?
2.)Whilst on the topic of food my darlings, I yearn to know, with every fiber of my soul, why you feel so compelled to have several bags of cereal and bread open at a time? Today, (see exhibit a. above) I found two identical bags of cereal beside each other on the table, with the identical amount of cereal left in them. I also found 2 bags of bread open on the counter, with one more in the bread bin. Why kids, why? And if you will indulge me in a little tangent on the cereal theme… I was also wondering when you might settle on what an appropriate amount of milk and cereal would be for your particular consumption in the mornings. Judging from the soggy half filled bowls left on the table and in the sink each day, we are still in the experimental phase. It’s been going on for some years now so I just thought I’d ask…you know…for budgeting purposes.
3. Dear ones, please help me to understand how so many things like music, academics and athletics seem to come so much more effortlessly to you than they ever could to me, yet you all, not just one of you…all..(so I am forced to believe this is a genetic condition), seem utterly physically/emotionally/mentally incapable of putting your dirty socks in the appropriate receptacles. To me, even as a naturally untidy soul, this seems like an easy habit to master, so much easier than soccer, cello or calculus…but….no. Also, and I am truly curious about this and have been for some time, do you not get even the vaguest sense of disquiet when you place a dirty sock on the countertop right next to where you are about to make a sandwich? Does the odour not cause you any discomfort when you cuddle up on the couch? No ick factor, no alarm bells? Nothing? I find your collective abilities to compartmentalize really quite mesmerizing.
4.Sweetie pudding pies, I can’t for the life of me fathom why it seems to be beyond any of you to move more than 2 feet inside the house before you dispose of all of your bags, coats and other baggage. I know that you are well aware that our house is doll sized (because you inform me of this quite often) and that our entry way is also our very modestly sized living room. I know that you have designated areas in each of your bedrooms where the coats and bags could comfortably reside without being a hazard to safety and sanity. But again, it seems absolutely beyond any of you to just.keep.walking before you succumb to the need to dump stuff. I’m starting to believe it might be primal? Can you elaborate?
5. Angels, you know how you do your own laundry? So..um..I was wondering (and I hope you don’t find this too personal a question,) why you appear to have such unwavering faith that you will find whatever it is you are searching for in the basket of neatly folded laundry containing items for just me, daddy/dad and Ella. Apparently your hope is not deterred by a history of never having success, and I can tell by the toppled piles you discard and baskets left in disarray (as well as the dryer left open with half dry clothes vomiting out of it onto the floor) that you are frustrated by the fruitlessness of your search. So my question is this…where you find that renewed drive to begin a new, exhaustive search each day (or at least several times a week?) It’s pretty inspiring.
That’s all for now, if you could get back to me at your earliest convenience regarding these questions, I would be ever in your debt.
Much love and ever your humble servant,
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