Things I will miss about this stage of life…

September 09, 2007

Amy's post reminded me of the exquisite agony/ecstasy of watching our kids grow. It is hard to believe or even imagine but today may be the last day they do that amazingly cute thing they do, and you will actually forget they ever did it! "Aaaaaahhhhhh", you may say, "Never!!!" but sadly, all too often, at least in my experience it is true. How do I know this? From the various random journal entries in various forms I have discovered over the years, recounting funny, seemingly unforgettable anecdotes that I have forgotten so completely that even reading about them does not bring them to back to my fatigue addled memory. Of course bear in mind that there are many things that I would rather forget, waking up at 2am to incomprehensible screaming, "allergies" to vegetables, whining about shoes...always with the shoes!...these are a few of my less favourite things. But that's a different post for a different day. Actually there are plenty of those posts... as my brother Luke once noted when I was writing a column on motherhood, "so basically you get paid to whine about being a mom? Sounds just up your alley!"
So here are a few things about this current stage that I don't want to forget:
WARNING: This blog entry may contain excessive, gratuitous sentimental content. Side effects may include nausea.   But hey, my blog, my pefect kids...suck it up.
I never want to forget how Benjamin is so completely captivated by life. Nothing just "kind of" interests him, he is so excited about everything around him and he always wants to share it..with great enthusiasm and ever increasing volume. I may think I do , but really, I don't ever want to forget the way he starts each exciting revelation with "EH...Mommy!!?" As trying it can be at times to pretend to match his enthusiasm for an endless Webkinz travelogue, or soccer practise play by play, I know that one day, when he is trying to be an apathetic teenager, I will miss my eager, bright faced little boy who wanted to tell me EVERYTHING. I don't ever want to forget the way he looks as he runs after a soccer ball, his whole body personifies intensity and determination, or how all his big cool kid bravada melts away at bedtime, when he will often admit that he is "a bit scared". How he always immediately agrees that praying will make him feel better and how the other night after I sent him back to bed with instructions to say a prayer and think happy thoughts, I stood outside his bedroom door and heard him play back a recording of my voice that I had recorded on his little stuffed animal as we were goofing around earlier, saying, "good night Beej! I love you."  I don't ever want to forget the way he sits right next to me when we read scriptures, reading hungrily over my shoulder, how he really seems to be thirsty to know everything before I even read it, and to understand it, how he can hardly wait til the end of each verse to ask me a question about it. How he once told me that we should never listen to the scripture tapes again after trying it once, "because when you read is just so INSPIRING mommy!" I don't want to forget how the other day he came rushing in from school to ask me if I could help a little girl who had fallen down walking home and was crying. The little girl was in fact about twice his age and had pretty much recovered from her graze by the time I reached her but he carried out a popsicle for her to eat, one to put on her sore hand, and one for her friend.
I never want to forget the way Gabe looks when he grins naughtily with his missing front tooth, and how his giggles come from his belly and fold him right in half like like a little taco. I don't ever want to forget the way his sun-streaked hair looks at the end of summer. If hair can represent Summer, his would be the Official Hair Representative of Summer. I don't ever want to forget that he laughs approximately every 23.2 seconds, or his wicked cool dance moves, (this kid has rhythm baby!) or how he will practise the piano for hours every day, just because he loves to, or how he loves to pretend to be a little old man for some odd reason, or how he will do anything to make Finny laugh. I don't ever want to forget how he will climb up onto my lap, and let me cradle him like a baby, until some jealous sibling comes along to interrupt us, and how although he has been thoroughly enjoying having me all to himself for just a moment, he never complains when they do. How thoughtful and quiet he can get as he figures things out, looking almost somber, but always quietly insisting when asked that he is in fact happy. How low key in general he usually is, punctuated by some amazing displays of drama, worthy of a Greek tragedy. How kind and forgiving he is, how quick he is to comfort the punished perpetrator of some misdeed, even if it was toward him. How when I yelled down one day that if they were going to play that goofy game they should go outside, and the goofy game continued inside, until he stomped down and shouted in exasperated tones, "IF YOU ARE GOING TO PLAY THAT GOOFY GAME THEN GO OUTSIDE!! Did you not HEAR the WOMAN!!!!"
I don't ever want to forget Gracie's funny little jersey girl /south african accent. How she says Choich for "church" and hoit for "hurt" and sometimes still pronounces her w's as r's. How completely strong and capable she is-yesterday for instance, she lifted her bed up a full inch while I was lying on it! She is truly freakishly strong! I never want to forget how she is always buzzing around, busy with some little project, she will never be bored in life. How kind and maternal and tender she is..listening to her sweetly chatting as she is (voluntarily) changing Finny's diaper and getting him dressed in the morning, makes me want to be as good a mom as I know she will be one day. I never want to forget that she creates multiple works of art every day, and how I can't bring myself to throw any of them away, because all of them are truly beautiful and original and special. I don't want to forget that today on the way home from church she saw some dark clouds in the sky and said, reminsicent of a changrined  play director "taking it from the top" for the 20th time.., "Uh-oh!! Make it pretty Jesus! Make it pretty."
I don't ever want to forget anything about Finny at this age! Just bottle him please! (Bottle them all!)Three-it is such a fleeting and precious age. He is still a baby in my mind, my last baby.. still has the soft and chubby baby cheeks which are so delicious to kiss, still has the squishable baby thighs, but he is old enough to communicate everything he is thinking or feeling in glorious detail. I don't ever want to forget his stream of consciousness recounting of his dreams of rescuing us from dragons and hot lava each day,  how much he seems to wholeheartedly adore me, and asks me every day when he gets sleepy if we "can just go and cuddwel mommy, I just want to cuddwel wif you!!" How it feels when he runs and jumps into my arms at the end of preschool, and puts his head on my shoulder and pats my back a couple of times followed up by a couple of rubs. How he will tell me several times a day, always as if the intensity of his emotions have just hit him for the first time, and in the most fervent of voices, "Mommy I just WUV you so...SO..SOMUCH!!". I don't ever want to forget that today he has been standing on the stairs singing to an imaginary audience "BET on it! BET on it! (yes, that one High school musical viewing made a BIG impression) and later on the couch singing, "I want FABu-LOUS", no, no mommy it is like this... FABu LOUS!!!" How kind and sweet he is, how he will drop whatever he is doing to run over and pat your arm comfortingly or hold your face between his hands, give you a long sympthetic look and a kiss,  how he can't stand it if one of his siblings are distraught and will often join them in crying if they are.
I don't ever want to forget how they are all each other's best friend and playmates. How they can play forever for hours and rarely argue (true story! although probably jinxed upon the posting of this) how they make each other laugh endlessly and hysterically until their exhausted parents yell at them to "STOP FOOLING AROUND AND BRUSH YOUR TEETH ALREADY!" (and later regret it when everyone is finally ..finally asleep)
And of course I never want to forget how they look when they they are sleeping. But for that I have photos, so it is all good.
An incredibly rare but delicious occurrence.
Sleeping with his hand close to my...heart. One of those things Finny has stopped doing. Probably for the better but still...sniff.
Posted at 03:28 PM | Permalink

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This is very sweet. I found myself getting teary eyed reading it. I love all the little things our kids do. I hope that when we get to heaven and can watch that big movie of our lives that I can in some way relive all of my sweet moments like the ones you just shared.
Posted by: Carolyn | September 09, 2007 at 11:34 PM

I must admit my eyes were a bit misty during this one! It is such a bitter sweet thing. You want them to grow up and be responsible, good people, but you can't fathom them grown and gone!
Posted by: Amz | September 13, 2007 at 12:09 AM

Ah Crap, I miss you guys!
Posted by: Jen | September 13, 2007 at 03:03 PM

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