To the diligent Wall paper-er doing their job circa 1982..

September 02, 2007

To the diligent wall paper-er doing their job circa 1982
Dear Person-who- papered- the- wall that I am trying transform to Poetic Princess Pink . Remember that room that you papered in large blue and grey plaid on one wall and blue pinstripe on the other three, sometime in the early 1980's? Yeah that one. I have been thinking about you a lot lately.
I bet you did not think of me though, when you so zealously squirted glue on the back of your high quality, waterproof, Dif-impermeable pin-striped paper. When I finally get to the final layer of paper and spray Dif on it, the pattern of exactly where glue was squirted is revealed, and I note that you took your job seriously. You left no pin-stripe uncovered. I imagine you as the sort of person who lives by the adage, "do the job right or don't do it at all." You did not go about this endeavour half baked, that's for sure. I think you may have even been a professional.
I bet you had that little glow of of satisfaction that can come only from a job well done when the last well papered switchplate and outlet cover had been replaced, and you knew that you had effectively encased the entire room in a plaid/stripe covering that could only be removed by nuclear fallout or someone as tenacious as yourself, someone on a mission to paint pink.
Well wall paper dude(tte), you met your match, but I've got to say, you give me a run for my money. I thought the black Panda/bamboo wallpaper removal in the guest bathroom last year was a challenge, but the plaid/pinstripe motif  has taken things to whole a new level. Not that the panda's weren't masterfully applied, you understand! I would never cast aspersions like that..but this time, you really kicked it up a notch by going BIG. And I don't just mean the plaid. The panda room really was very tiny in retrospect.  And yesterday, a room I had previously thought of as small and cozy took on palatial proportions as I contemplated the many millimeters I had yet to strip. Because you see, this wall paper can only be removed by the millimeter. With my finger nail. Nothing else Home Depot has to offer will do. Occasionally, I got the satisfaction of seeing large-ish strips come away, and guess what! They actually create art, it's like cloud watching, you never know what you will see next, it's rather fascinating.  I like to call this piece, Chick hatching.Img_4896_2
And this one: Wolf
As I pick, I imagine you efficiently measuring, cutting, and then carefully pasting each piece, so very precisely, pressing down each section, your capable and determined hands smoothing it out to be sure that it really, really stuck. And oh, but it did.
I don't suppose you imagined me though, first standing, as the sun shone high in the sky, happily,hopefully and energetically scoring, then brought to my knees as the sun set, and the pin-stripes held strong. I don't think you imagined me sitting grimly in front of your pin stripes, after I put the kids to bed, determined to conquer at least one wall before I would rest, and eventually lying down, possibly delirous from Dif fumes, listlessly reaching up to pick at the same section of wall I had been working on for 5 hours, only to wake up with my clothes on the next morning..
I salute you wall paper dude/dudette of the past.  You are a worthy opponent in a battle of wills. You wanted that paper up. I want it down. So far, you are winning. I do not like you, but I salute you.
Gracie doing a Plaid Section Removal re-enactment. Do not be fooled by her smile.
Posted at 04:50 PM | Permalink

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Kirsty, You kill me! Why are you so entertaining??
And when are you going to write a book so I can sit down and relax and laugh my freakin' head off???
Posted by: Jen | September 02, 2007 at 09:05 PM

I love how you talk to the previous owner in this entry. Good tactic. I don't think I would like the wallpaper-er either. Maybe I am too much of a people pleaser but I never put up wall paper because I feel bad for whoever might want to take it down one day. Now I know that I am not wrong in this tactic. Good luck with your project.
Posted by: Carolyn | September 02, 2007 at 09:49 PM

Loved this! You crack me up! I too want to know when the book comes out!?
Posted by: Amz | September 04, 2007 at 05:55 PM

I'm reading: To the diligent Wall paper-er doing their job circa 1982..Tweet this!