Dear Winter

704 Annoying Old Man Winter
Ok so I’m just going to say this. It’s really awkward but it’s been a long time in coming and I think we both know where I’m going with this.
I feel like it’s time we take a break.
For, like… a year, at least.
It’s not you, it’s me. No actually, it’s you.
It’s just that you aren’t making me happy anymore.You haven’t for quite a while now. I don’t really think you even want to.
At first things between us were romantic and exciting.  Sure, I was disappointed when you totally left us hanging at Christmas. Yes, you showed up the next day with that big showy present of snow but it wasn’t the know? Nobody is dreaming of a White Boxing Day. Too little too late…and it kind of went downhill from there.
And now…you’ve just gone too far. You’re really cold, there’s no warmth, there’s no give and take.  It’s all about you and your wintery mixes and your “Grey Days”. You don’t seem to care about my feelings at all. You don’t care that when you have a grey day, we all have one. You are just so completely self involved.
And then there are the boundary issues. Aka: Straw that broke the camels back.
I think you and I both know that this was supposed to be Spring’s time to shine.  I feel like we’ve all been very patient and fair about the fact that you didn’t warm up the way we’d hoped. You almost never do, but this year you’ve been particularly bad.  There’s been very little said over the fact that when Spring was supposed to be doing her thing, you lingered obnoxiously,  making things a full 10-20 degrees colder than usual.
You know how Spring is. She’s not going to assert herself. And I feel like you totally took advantage of that fact. You kept slithering around, like a dark cloud, actually not like a dark cloud you WERE a dark cloud,  and every time she got the courage to have a good day and put herself out there just the littlest bit you just had to shut her down.
And now there’s this.  Seriously? This is in bad taste. It’s one thing to be a bit chilly, we’ve even come to accept dreary..I mean…it’s you after all. We all know how insecure you get around this time of year. And it’s ok to have your feelings.
But to go and throw a big, fat dramatic, hysterical snow tantrum a couple of weeks ago when a lot of people are having their Spring break and a lot of people were starting to feel a little bit hopeful is just low. I feel sorry for you. You’re pathetic.  You know how people get in March.
And now it’s April. And if you just looked outside of yourself for one second you would be able to see that a lot of us are just hanging on by our finger nails.  We hung in there with you pretty good naturedly I’d say, in November and December. Heck, we even smiled indulgently in October when you made your premature appearance. I held my tongue when you got all weird and were a total no show for Thanksgiving (which a lot of people liked, but I found non-cozy and untraditional.) I think we went out of our way to embrace you and make you feel special and welcome.  We dug deep in January and February. Sure there were some words, but all in all, I think we really tried to be grown ups about it.
But people are at the end of their rope now.  They are done. And you just don’t even seem to care.
If this was the first time you’d done this it would be one thing, but you and I both know it’s not.  And it won’t be the last.
I’ve tried to be supportive. I have. I put on the extra 10lbs to keep me warm.  I did the whole hot chocolate thing. The whole Seasonal Affective Disorder thing. I know how the fact that I have to use the Lamp makes you feel important. I played along. Did I not ensconce myself in that stupid ubiquitous North Face quilted jacket you love so much? Every. Single. Day? But it’s never enough. It’s never enough for you.  You wanted long johns and fingerless gloves in the house, you needed constant reassurance with the whole hat head thing. I know you think the wearing the wool cap in the house thing is very hipster and all that,  but it makes me look like Where’s Waldo and I’m not going to do it anymore just to please you.
And then there was Easter. You know.. pastel dresses and sandals? Easter egg hunts among the tulips and daffodils? Photos in front of the forsythia? I would think you’d be a little bit embarrassed to hang out where you are so obviously not welcome.  But you did.  The egg hunts were chilly. The bare legs were purple. The pictures were really hideous. There were no flowers, no leaves on the trees…it was really obvious what you were doing.  I am embarrassed for you. You know, I’ve really tried to move on since that time in ‘08 when my cute little Easter canvas wedge shoes got so encrusted in ice and snow that I went ice skating on the hardwood floors. It didn’t end gracefully. It’s a painful memory in a lot of ways. I’ve tried to forgive, but at times like this, when you act this way, it all comes rushing back and it’s hard to forget, to heal.
I didn’t mean to go on this way but I’m hoping maybe you can take a hard look at yourself and think about making some changes. I don’t hate you. I just hate the way you act. It’s not just me who is feeling this way. You can ask practically anyone.
I’m going to suggest that you take some time. Take a trip… go away and just.. be.  The Southern hemisphere is nice this time of year and I’m sure you could do a lot to change that. You need go where you belong right now. These last hurrah histrionics are exhausting to all of us.
It’s over ok? IT. IS. OVER.
Accept it.

I'm reading: Dear WinterTweet this!


Tania Standring said... always!

Anonymous said...

Ooooh! That was SO funny, and clever! Thanks for that. I loved it! (I never liked him from the start! Snow never did entrance me. All too soon it becomes a slushy mess. It never pulled the wool over MY eyes, even when I was wearing a knitted beanie!)

Anna said...

Please sign my name to the letter too. I am totally ovah winter. Here from Sharefest!

Debra@TheCookbookDiva said...

So funny, so true. I'm definitely over winter too. Visiting from Sharefest. Have a great weekend.