I have “May Stomach” aka: Mayday!Mayday!

On the night of April 30th I felt it creeping up on me..May stomach. I spend the entire month of May with a this weird unsettled feeling in my stomach. It’s not entirely unpleasant and it’s not entirely pleasant. It’s a mixture of stress and excitement. May is BONKERS. With good things. But bonkers all the same. It’s like we all lie around all Winter doing nothing and then.. BAM. It’s May, we collectively wake up, sit bolt upright and universally agree that we absolutely need to stuff everything that we ever wanted to do into one month…aaaaand GO. Included in the day to day MAY-hem (see what I did there? See that? Sometimes I impress myself)…where was I? Oh yeah ok so..this is just some of what we have going on in May….
1.Travel soccer for 4 kids…’nuff said.
2. Track.
3. The entire yard just woke up and became a giant tangle of weeds and long grass. That and we still have a tree burying it. And if you want to plant a vege garden or flowers and stuff…you must do it THIS MONTH. HURRY!
4. There is enough sunshine now to illluminate the fact that my house is absolutely disgustingly dirty.
5. We’re PRETTY sure we now need to be wearing summer clothes but we’re not ENTIRELY sure so our miniscule house is cluttered with bins of clothing from different seasons down from the attic.
6. The following events to celebrate and..you know do stuff for: May Day, Finny’s birthday and birthday party, (my mom’s birthday too but this does not add stress to my life…thanks mom), Mother’s Day (poor Aaron), our anniversary, graduations of various friends, the multiple field days, walkathons, DARE graduations, end of year class class parties, piano recitals,  teacher gifts etc.. etc..
7. Ella now wants to be outside every minute of every day (which is great, but keeps me from doing stuff like cleaning the house etc while she is awake.)
So yes, May. It’s wonderful month but it’s a LOT.  Particularly when you are out of shape..organizationally speaking. It’s a shock to the system. I feel like my adrenaline is constantly flowing because even if I have a minute of downtime I’m pretty sure it’s only because I’m totally forgetting something.  And I’m usually right.  Case in point.  Yesterday:
I’m sitting calmly in a Dr.’s examining room, waiting for him to come in at any second. Glance at phone. See text from friend informing me that she will be picking up my son from our home in 20 mins for a far away soccer game that we logistically cannot take him to ourselves. I realize that said son is still at track practice at school, oblivious to the fact that he has a soccer game at all…far from his soccer uniform…and he will be there..for the next 40 mins.
Did I mention I’m stuck in an examining room? Place frantic call in urgent and hushed tones to husband to “figure it out!!!” with poor long suffering, even more busy and stressed friend, who is doing us a FAVOUR here, just before Dr. comes in.
Miraculously I am able to escape Dr.’s office sooner than anticipated. Sprint to reception desk to make next appointment before I leave. She is new…so it takes a while. Sprint to car, husband on the phone all the while trying to figure out logistics. Turns out poor friend has been informed that she must now backtrack across town to our house, pick up oblivious son’s uniform (which other kids have been commissioned to assemble) and then go back across town, find son in track practice and break the news that he must leave early and come now, immediately to drive to soccer game.   I realize en route from Dr. that I will be home in time to do the uniform delivery part myself. Have husband tell friend to go directly to school for son. Sprint into house, grab bag, shake wailing Ella off my leg…sprint to car, jump out of car at the high-school parking lot, leaving car door open and make the drop.  Send bewildered son on his way with sainted friend.
Drive off thinking…”Wow! whew….we pulled it off…I can breathe now!” Wait! No I can’t!
Race home to pick up daughter for piano lesson which will be starting in 5 minutes. Drop her off.
Think whew! I can breathe now.
Casually glance around for prescriptions I just got at Dr.’s office,  so that I can have them filled. Can’t find prescriptions. Look again. Nope they are gone. Cue panic attack. Race home to check if I left them there during brief uniform grabbing expedition. Nope. No sign of them.
Omigosh, I bet they flew out of the car when I was throwing the soccer uniform at my dazed son. I BET THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED.  Envision prescription for tightly regulated ADD meds floating around high school parking lot. Envision high schooler thinking he has just found a really great way to make some extra cash. Envision being blacklisted by Dr. and pharmacies as being a drug addict when I go back and ask for more..envision lots of bad, hysterical things. 
Shake wailing Ella off leg to race back out to car to try to track down errant prescriptions. Except I’m not sure where.
Call husband and shriek hysterical things down the phone.  Call Dr. to see if maybe by some miracle they are still there. (I know they are not. I remember LOOKING at them as I walked out to the CAR). No answer there. Decide to drive there, hoping they will still be open, so I can tell them my terrible tale in the flesh perhaps it will be more convincing and they will be less inclined to think I am a junky/pusher).
Run wild eyed into Dr.’s office (yeah…definitely not making a great case for the “I’m not a junky pusher” thing. ) Receptionist looks up. “Hey did you leave some prescriptions here?”  “YES AND I HAVE BEEN FREAKING OUT!”  “umm…yes somebody found them in the waiting room and brought them to me.”.The waiting room! What? How? I was never even in the waiting room? Was I? Maybe..I don’t remember?   (I have ADD..ya think?). File that under: Notes from Irony Land.
And that was just round one. The evening continued in a similar vein. Really, it did.
Seriously, if I didn’t have a highly functional husband and a handful of highly functional, extremely kind and willing friends on retainer at all times…I don’t even know. I shudder…I shudder.  I know blogs can often given impressions of
“everything is lovely and serene here with too much time on our hands on our little home front what with our May day basket making and our matching Easter outfits”…allow me to disabuse you of that notion. It’s freaking crazy town here in May. Every day. All day.
Speaking of traumatic experiences…a story I wrote entitled A Little Horror Story was featured yesterday on the epic blog, “I Just Want to Pee Alone”. Well that was not the traumatic part that was the totally cool exciting happy yay part. I feel very honoured.  The story itself was the traumatic part. It’s not something one simply walks away from.  You should go there and read it and comment and stuff.
How’s May treating you so far?

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Anonymous said...

Hey, that was fantastic! SO funny! Reminded me too much of self. Easy to laugh when it is not happening to you. Not so easy in the middle of it all. But good for the rest of us that are reading it.