Mother’s Day. Bah! Humbug!

I was talking to a friend today when I realized that this Sunday is Mother’s Day.
Wa-wah (sad trombone)deadflowers
Meh. I’ve got 5 amazing kids, I love being a mother, and I love my mom, but I’m not a fan of the day, my peeps, I’m not going to lie.
Here are a few reasons:
1. If my kids bicker with each other/whine about their chores/sulk/mess up a room/look at me askance on any other day,  I tell them to stop, and go on with my day relatively unscathed.  If they fight on Mother’s Day I take it as a personal insult, I take it as confirmation that they don’t love all (and really…why would they! why should they!* see reason 3) and then…then I commence an internal chronicle of where I went wrong, starting with each of their sojourns in utero, and my selfish refusal to abide by the copious commandments of What to Expect When Thou Is Expecting. ) Oh yes.  It’s all very jolly, I tell you.
2. It puts my good, dear, dedicated husband under undue pressure. We are always particularly broke around this time of year. (Actually…wait…when aren’t we particularly broke?) ANYway..I don’t want him spending money on a random gift for me, just to get me something.  I’d rather he got me something I really wanted when we had a bit more cash to spare. But yeah…if he didn’t show up with at least a token gift,  I’d feel pretty unhappy about that too.  The man can’t win. He is set up to fail and I feel bad for him. I do. I pity the fool who tries to please me on Mother’s Day.
Also? I’m pretty sure that most of his day is spent hissing under his breath at the children. Issuing threats about “if anyone even complains for a SECOND about taking a photo with mommy ” and “if anyone even DARES to whine about what mommy chose to eat for dinner…” and “so help me if anyone wakes up mommy from her nap…”.
So: basically stressed out husband all because of me, and (I suspect), deeply resentful kids who fervently wish Mother’s Day was not A Thing. Awesome. Bask in the glow.
3. Going to church and hearing the talks about everyone’s perfect mother who baked fresh bread every day and had it waiting, along with a big hug and a smile after school every day. Who sewed all their clothes from old curtain,s and made their house a sparkling, comfortable haven of a home, on shoe string budget. That sainted woman who always started her day with scripture study in her rocking chair at 4:30 am while the steel cut oats cooked, and never ONCE raised her voice. Who taught the speaker everything they know about love, tolerance, patience, selflessness, righteousness, homemaking, yay verily and… joy. 
Then there are the kids, singing the songs about the mother “singing so softly” as she goes about her day, her mind on nothing but how much she loves her children. 
Dude. You know I love my kids more than life, but they know and I know that when I’m dumping yet another soggy bowl of their zillion dollar per ounce cereal down the drain or ferretting out the soccer sock which is stinking up the whole house, humming a happy quiet tune about my love for them is not what is happening.. I will leave it at that.
4. Feeling sorry for myself because I am so far away from my mother. I feel sorry for myself about this on a regular basis but Mother’s Day just gives me extra license and opportunity and I take it and ruuuuuun with it.  I also feel really sad for my husband who lost his wonderful mother much too early.
5. Feeling uncomfortable for, and sensitive to all the people for whom I know this is an especially excruciating day. Those with fertility problems, those who are estranged from their children or mothers, those who have recently lost mothers or children.  Those moms who are single with young kids and don’t have a significant other to head up the “let’s spoil mom” initiative.  This day rots for a lot of people. Check out facebook on Mother’s Day sometime. It’s not a particularly happy place.  It’s a tough day for a lot of people, and it’s hard to celebrate blithely when you know other people you love and care about are suffering intensely.
I don’t know what the alternative is. See, I’m all for taking time to think about and appreciate blessings of motherhood (both to be one and to have one).  (As the name and general theme of this blog would imply). Nothing wrong with that.  And I totally think moms deserve a break and a gift (a lot more often than once a year, though!)
I love my kids’ excited little faces when they give me the Mother’s Day gifts they made in school (usually at least a week before the day, because they just can’t wait). 
I guess I just don’t want it to all feel so forced…so spun in the sweet sugar of hypocrisy…or…something…
Just me?
I do believe forgetting about ourselves and serving others is a great way to go if you are feeling glum, and so I’m going to do something in that vein this mother’s day. Speaking of which, did you see THIS? It’s awesome. I hope you join me.  Or just donate. $20.  save a life. This one is a no-brainer my friends.

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Anonymous said...

You and me Kid. I guess I taught you this cynical? attitude towards Mother's Day. Agree 100%. Must confess, I was feeling a bit like the Bernstein Bears "Too much Birthday" on my BD this year, and then I went to Ennerdale to teach Institute and the day became golden. Think part of the problem about these "special" days is the inactivity. Sitting around waiting to be spoilt. Thanks for your post. Curious to see what your ideas are about serving others on Mother's Day.

ANH said...

Recently, Mother's Day has become for me what Father's Day has been for a long time... just a reminder of my screwed up family.

Last year, Mother's Day cards made me cry in the middle of Walgreens because I couldn't send a Mother's Day card to my mom that said "You're the best" and "Oh, we are so close" and "You did your best." I didn't believe a single word of any of those cards applied to my mom and it frustrated me so that I broke down in the middle of the store. I tried to find the most generic of cards to send her - just to send her my love but not to tell lies. Is that wrong?

This year, I may have sent the same exact card as last year. I'm not sure, but pretty sure. I doubt she'll remember. No tears this year, but I feel ya!

Sisters from Another Mister said...

YOU are totally fab ... so belated Happy Moms day to you, and can i roll in a friends day, and awesome day while i am about it ;)